Friday, November 27, 2009

Security Breach at the White House

Yesterday, a couple penetrated layers of security to enter in and basically crash a State Dinner at the White House . The couple, Tareq and Michaele Salahi, met President Obama in the receiving line.


The fact that he once again bowed........well that's another story.


The U.S. Secret Service who are obviously embarrassed by the shenanigans will conduct a full investigation of what happened. Secret Service director Mark Sullivan said ,"The Secret Service is deeply concerned and embarrassed by the circumstances surrounding the State Dinner on Tuesday, November 24." .............. In other words, "Someone's head will roll and it won't be mine.".

Meanwhile President Obama in a dramatic move decided to exact revenge against the wily party crashing couple.... Below is a scene shot by hidden cameras located in the Master bedroom of that couple's residence. It was taken later on that evening---
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Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Progressive Lady

I hate that Progressive insurance commercial. ...The one with that obnoxious woman who walks around telling everybody to compare insurance. She looks a little like Angelina Jolie .In fact, picture Angelina Jolie without the nice hair, face, lips and overall beauty . .....Is it not the Progressive lady ?

Why would they use her as the company mascot ? When you look at her, do you think 'progress' ?

I saw a commercial the other day and I was able to with help from very sophisticated mind reading and thought bubble technologies, obtain the actual interaction between a gentleman and 'The Progressive Lady'. See below :

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Don't mess with Mike Tyson







Today I heard that an extremely angry Mike Tyson.....




punched some paparazzi character at The LAX airport .
Evidently Tony Echevarria , a photographer got too close to the ex champ at the ticket counter. So close that Mike punched him , an act that Mr. Tyson claimed was out of self-defense.


Below is rare never seen before footage of the man who was punched.
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Reportedly, Siegfried and Roy responded to the fracas by sicking their tiger Montecore on the enraged Tyson. ...It didn't go too well.

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The photographer and the lion were sent to a nearby hospital. The man's teeth has been restored. Montecore is now earless.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Are you pregnant ?

http://gostandup.com

A few years ago as I was walking through the mall, I bumped into an old friend. It was a woman and she appeared to be pregnant . I said to her ," Hey Susie, congratulations on your pregnancy !!".

She then said to me something that made my blood run cold. She said ," I'm not pregnant, I just gained a few pounds you insensitive.... !!". My look of shock and embarrassment was the same as John McCain's when Sarah Palin uttered her first words :
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From then on whenever I saw a young woman with a distended belly and an uncharacteristically large midsection, I would just assume that she gained weight or ate a basketball for lunch. In either case I kept my thoughts inside. I would be more careful and discerning asking the pregnancy question.

Last month I decided to take another stab at asking a woman whether she's with child. I was smart though and waited till there was a 100% chance that there was a pregnancy.I waited and waited....and waited.. Till ALAS !! ..I found a truly pregnant woman....or at least that's what I thought ........The victim was at a baby shower and H-U-G-E ! All the gifts had her name on them. I busted into the room, walked up to Tracy ( the woman in question ) and said , " So Tracy, surely you must be pregnant ! Well.... are you ?". ...She said ," This is a baby Einstein shower. I just patented a new line of accessories and Amazon.com is throwing a party for me in my honor !!..This is my normal stomach. I gained a few pounds you insensitive...... !".
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After that altercation, I decided to wait even further into an apparent pregnancy to ask the loaded question. I would somehow gain access to the delivery room and ask during labor. Surely I could not go wrong ! Surely that would be the right question to ask the right person ! .....Right ?....Right ...... Take a look at what happened to me earlier today :
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From now on I'll wait till the birth actually happens then ask the question 18 years later.