http://www.gostandup.com

I hate to do this but I feel compelled to make some observations on this crazy presidential race.

(THE UNCANNY COMIC IS NEUTRAL TO ANY AND ALL POLITICAL MATTERS AND SO IS ABLE TO STAND OUTSIDE THE REALM OF THE POLITICAL ARENA, AND WITH HIS UNCANNY COMEDIC VISION, ........ uh....poke fun.)

Last week was the Democratic National Convention, an event that had less total brain activity than 'Night of the Living Dead'.

We saw Ded...(err)... Ted Kennedy give a speech, Hillary pontificate, Al Gore exhale greenhouse gases and Bill Clinton hand the baton off to Obama........ one former black president to another potential black president.

Hillary was amazing... considering she had the weight of 18 million women on her mind.

Bill had 18 million women on his mind also. .....Unfortunately, they were a completely different looking 18 million women.

The entire event, which was a smashing success, was finally capped off with a moving speech by Obama. Over 30 million viewers tuned in to the spectacle. The momentum shift of positive public opinion was clearly heading towards Obama.........until

in a brilliant stroke of genius ,McCain punctures the air out of the whole Obama Hindenburg and announces the very next day that he has chosen a female V.P. ........ Sarah Palin.

According to sources deep inside the McCain camp, the decision to select her was an intense and agonizing decision. ...... McCain said something like this,

" Quick , we need a black person on this ticket !!!! ....... No, no... that'll look too obvious !! .... Hey staff , get out your U.M.B's ( Undervalued Minority Brochures), find me an equivalent under- appreciated minority that'll offset the impact of a tall skinny good looking African American !! ....... What ?!! .. you found a tribe of freckled Navajo indians ?!

"...... NO..that's just ridiculous !!.... What else ?!.... A 600 pound anorexic ?! ..... "

"NO....too specific !! ....... "

"Excellent ... a woman !! ....... Someone fetch me a detailed report of all the qualified republican woman who can fill the position of the 2nd highest office in the free world !! .... Wow Dick Morris, that was fast ! .... Let me see the document !!"

"This is more than ever asked.. THANKS !!!"

"I'll take 2nd row, 3rd from the left."

Obama now sensing that this recent maneuver by McCain will turn the tides of public opinion, does what only he can. .... He summons the natural forces of the planet, and with his hand outstretched.......

gathers the winds from the 4 corners of the earth into .....HURRICANE GUSTOV!!!..... timing it perfectly to land at the exact location where the Bush administration dropped the ball ... New Orleans, AND at the beginning of the RNC .... ........ In one fell swoop reminding the nation of Bush's gross failure while taking the national spotlight away from the RNC festivities !

But wait !! ...This is not over !! McCain is ticked!!

McCain in a risky maneuver plans to give his acceptance at New Orleans, and has built a specially designed floating stage to do so. .... He said ," I will follow this hurricane to the gates of hell if necessary !!"

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The Nathan's Hot dog Eating Competition was one thing. The 2008 Beijing Olympics was quite another.

I was impressed by the opening ceremonies. The precision, the unity,the synchronization........ It was the most horrific thing I ever saw. The combination of spectacular beauty and military style discipline was a little disturbing. It was like looking at a parade of gay perfectionists.......whatever that means.

Like many things in life, things aren't what they appear to be. ..Much to my chagrin, it was brought to my attention that the whole event was enhanced and manipulated digitally.

In other words ...this

was really ...this:

My uneasy feeling that any participant in the choreographed affair who made the slightest error was punished with the greatest severity, was confirmed when I learned that this sweet little girl :

who stepped 3 and a half inches out of line, was later seen here :

....doing hard time.

This however is not the real reason why I'm blogging today. I have thoughts on Michael Phelps.

His performance during the swimming events was quite amazing! I've never seen a swimming machine quite like that before........... that is until .....................

until I heard about his unusual physique. I heard that his 6' 7" wingspan is longer than his 6'4" height. He has disproportionately short legs, size 14 feet and double-jointed ankles...... basically a stingray with huge ears. ......

I'm not AS impressed now! I don't think anyone would have a chance racing against someone that looks like this :