Friday, July 04, 2008

Today I took a break from the 'physical fitness' pursuit. ..... I decided that I needed to view people who lived on the other end of a healthy lifestyle.......... I watched live footage of the 2008 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition.

These are a bunch of folks who decided that not only are they going to embrace a diet rich in carbs and saturated fats, ........ but will in fact make a sport out of it. After all, why be a healthy nobody when you can be a famous food eating fiend, a pie eating professor, a dog eating 'Don', a gastrointestinal genius?!

That being said, this year's competition had all the drama and intrigue of any great sporting event ! ...The defending champion Joey Chestnut versus Takeru Kobayashi.

For nearly 6 years the mere 110lb. Kobayashi absolutely owned the event , eating 50 to 60 hot dogs in 12 minutes... an accomplishment that Oprah has called ....... "just an ordinary brunch for me!" ..... Although when Oprah does it, her buns are 3 times the size. ........ You can interpret that ANY way you want.

The event lived up to all the the hype. .... It was virtually neck and neck all the way to the end, even going in to overtime. ......

Joey Chestnut prevailed---- 59 hot dogs in regulation and 5 dogs in OT.
( It's strange how they call the initial 10 minute period ...'REGULATION'...... Why one would call 10 minutes of wanton , meat squirting, bread and saliva oozing, flotsam and jetsam squirting, gluttony, 'REGULATION' is beyond me.)

The post game interviews were quite interesting. It went something like this :

Reporter : So Kobayashi, what went wrong ?

Kobayashi :

Reporter : Joey, Take us moment by moment, second by second through your incredible performance.

Joey :

I think next year I will enter the 2009 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition. Let me go practice:

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Since the whole ' I'll work out at the gym ' idea didn't work, I decided to get a home gym.

I bought as my first item ..'The Gazelle'... from some guy named Tony Little.

That was a huge mistake ! ........ This was not the calorie burning machine that I expected. It was more like a leg swing,...... a thigh hammock, .... a 'restless leg syndrome' come to life.

Winking burned more calories that this piece of junk ! ..... I tried to figure out what this machine prepared me for in a real life situation. .. For example the 'heavy bag' trains one to defend oneself. ... The ' row machine ' trains one to escape an assailant much more quickly in a row boat. .... The 'bench press' prepares one to lift a Geo Metro and change the tire.
.. All those are no brainers !! ..........What does 'The Gazelle' train one for ???

That's it !!...... Fleeing from Stephen Hawking in zero gravity!!!

Needless to say I returned 'The Gazelle'.

On my way home, I dangled my arms out of my car window while going 60...
After all, who needs 'The Gazelle' when you can get the same workout.