Today we were all in the den watching TV. We were watching Animal Planet's "When Elephants Attack !" As I'm sitting there I can smell the spectacular aromas radiating from the kitchen. This was going to be yet another food filled frenzy of over sized portions that any glutton would be proud of. As I'm sitting there, I'm staring at my grandma trying to figure her out. What's wrong with this woman ?Why does she over serve food with such wanton disregard ? Was it her hearing ? Was her head misshapened due to some brain defect that controls hand eye function ? Nothing ! I found no anomaly in her whatsoever, except for a few excessive hairs on her upper lip. Well maybe it was more than just a few hairs. Okay, it was a mustache ! Other than that, everything checked out normal.

"What do you think about the show Grandma?

" I hate it !"

"Why ?"

" Poora elephants, they needa to leave the elephants alone."

" What do you mean poor elephants ? They're attacking people !"

" That'sa because they're hungry ! Look at them ! Looka at how skinny they are... They need a gooda meal !

It was then that I figured her out. If she thinks elephants need to gain weight, she must think that hippos are anorexic. What would happen if she saw Paris Hilton ? She might use her as a razor to shave her hairy legs. ( I forgot, along with the mustache she had so much hair on her legs that she had to relax them into gerry curls in order to cut them.)

I have no chance.
She turned off the TV, stood in the middle of the den, and said with her game face, " Time a too a eata !".